My morning laugh was occasioned by a story in The Darwin Awards..... After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. Made me chuckle
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Medical Charts -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The following are actual, unedited, notes written by doctors on patients’ medical charts: 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 7. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused an autopsy. 9. The patient has no past history of suicides. 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 32.  By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. 33.  Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. 34. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. 35.  The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him. 36.   The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. 37.  She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 38.  The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room. 39.  The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. 40.  Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Posted by SURB

Three medical students follow an elderly gentelman, walking slowly wide gate. "He must have problems with his hips" says one, the other says "No, he has probably a huge scrotal hernia" the third says " You are wrong, he has a neurological condition". They decide to ask the person and tell him that they are medical students and they would like to know about his problem. "Well, gentelmen, you are all wrong as I was wrong. I thought what I was blowing out was only wind....."
Posted by yoram chaiter

How can you diagnose prostate hypertrophy in a diabetic? By the flies, sitting on the shoes....
Posted by yoram chaiter