Joke thread! Medically related only please!
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Joke thread! Medically related only please!
Discuss non-medical topics
Nothing like a joke thread! I won't ask that you keep the jokes 'clean' - so many good medical ones aren't. But with some relation to medicine, please! So: An old man needed high risk surgery. His so
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 6/5/2012 9:40 PM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 1784
First: 7/3/2009 Last: 18/5/2013 |
A gynecologist asks his colleague who is an ENT to take over for a short while till he comes back from lunch. The ENT takes a seat at the room of the gynecologist. A woman comes in. "How can I help you?" . "Doctor I have a discharge I would like you to take a look at" "Please sit on this chair, now please spread your legs, and now please open and say "Aaaaa".....
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 6/5/2012 9:54 PM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 1784
First: 7/3/2009 Last: 18/5/2013 |
A new veterinarian comes to a Soviet village." I am doctor ....and I am a veterinarian also specialising in animal language.Now let us take a look at my patients". A cow stands looking sadly at the veterinarian and says "Moooooooooooo...Moooo". "This cow says it hasn't been milked for two days". The villagers" No, how can it be?" They double check and it is true. Next comes a hen saying "Ko-kokokoko....". "This hen says she laid three eggs, one was taken away and two were left". "Right doctor! Wonderful!" A pig says "Oynk-oynk-oynk"."This pig says she had given birth to nine piglets, two died". "Correct, doctor, what a wonderful doctor". "Come to the Head of the village house, we prepared dinner to celeblrate your arrival". All go to the house. In the garden and old goat says "Mmmmeeeeeeee". The Head of village: "Oh, no, don't listen to her, she is lying, it happened only once and even then I was dead drunk".............
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 7/5/2012 1:02 AM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 23
First: 19/8/2009 Last: 14/5/2013 |
A cardiologist pasted a picture of the Heart on his wind screen and drives around. Seeing that a paediatrician pasted a nice child's picture on his wind screen, what will a Gynaecologist do? Physicians they wait and see, Surgeons , they look and see, Gynaecologists they D&C. What is a double blind controlled trial? Two Orthopaedic surgeons looking at an ECG. |
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 7/5/2012 2:09 AM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 23
First: 19/8/2009 Last: 14/5/2013 |
A very popular Cardiologist died and at the funeral lots of people spoke and at the end the casket was driven into a heart shaped vault and every body was silent and watching, suddenly one man laughed out and every body looked at him. The person next to him asked, Why have you laughed ? He said, I am a Gynaecologist and I was thinking about my funeral when I die, where My body will be pushed into? Three doctors and three lawyers were going for conference and travelling in a train. The doctors bought only one ticket and the lawyers asked why? They told them to wait and see. When the ticket collector was seen far, the doctors ,all of them shut themselves in a toilet. The ticket collector knocked on the shut toilet, one hand came out with a ticket and the ticket collector took it and carried on. After the conference, the Lawyers thought they will also do the same as the doctors did and bought only one ticket. At this time, the doctors did not buy any ticket. So the lawyers asked, how are you going to manage this time? The doctors said, wait and see. When the ticket collector was sighted far, the lawyers went into the toilet, and one doctor went and knocked at the door and said ticket please. One hand came out with the ticket and the doctor collected it and the doctors went into the next toilet and shut the door and waited for the ticket collector to knock. |
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 7/5/2012 2:26 AM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 23
First: 19/8/2009 Last: 14/5/2013 |
A medical student was asked by the ENT Surgeon while teaching, to look at the patient's ear. He looked with the Otoscope and when he was asked, what he saw, He said NAD sir. When the ENT surgeon examined the ear, there was no ear drum even to be seen, and told the student so. He answered, Yes sir, What I said was , No Appreciable drum(NAD). In a busy teaching hospital, The Gynaecologist told a male SHO, He will be made to do a D&C that day, So he was all excited and when he entered the theatre, the Nurse announced, all those for D&C ,please go and urinate and come, the doctor immediately went into the toilet to Urinate. |
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 7/5/2012 2:40 AM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 23
First: 19/8/2009 Last: 14/5/2013 |
A busy GP had to go out suddenly and asked the assistant to take over for a short while, When the boss came back, he asked how it had gone? The assistant said, a patient came with fever and I gave paracetamol and and another came with cough and I gave cough linctus, and then a lady came rushing in and got on to the couch and said Doctor, Doctor, please help me , It is 5 years since I saw a man, I am going crazy. So what did you do? I gave Eye drops. |
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 8/5/2012 6:13 AM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 10
First: 27/4/2012 Last: 15/5/2012 |
santa : doctor one of my testis has become blue in colour .. doctor : it has gone bad we have to remove it ........ so it was done after few days he comes back santa : doctor my other testis has also turned blue doctor : ur disesese is spreading very fast, we have to remove it ...... and it was also removed after few days he comes again santa : doctor now my penis has gone blue doctor : ur disease is vary fatal and we have to remove ur penis also and so a prosthetic penis was put in its place after some days he comes again..... santa : doctor now my prosthesis has gone blue also doctor : after scratching his head for a long time .............. hmmmmmm now i know what ur problem is ur underpant is loosing colour.... |
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 8/5/2012 4:25 PM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 106
First: 13/3/2012 Last: 9/5/2013 |
Old one. Fellow goes to the doctor and tells him that he has trouble with flatulence. He says, " so much wind. It's uncontrollable, it doesn't smell, and it's not noisy, but it's uncomfortable and so much of it. . Can you do something for the wind?" Doctor gives him some pills and tells him to come back in a week. Next week, the fellow comes back and says, " I don't know what you did with those pills, but man, is the wind ever noisy." "Ahh", says the doctor, " we've fixed your hearing.. Now let's work on your sense of smell."
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Re: Joke thread! Medically related only please!
posted at 8/5/2012 7:02 PM BST
on bmj.com
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Posts: 311
First: 7/5/2009 Last: 2/4/2013 |
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them! |
