I was in my office, on the routine parental counselling chat known as the prenatal visit. I was talking to two young future parents. Recently graduated from my paediatric residency training I was eager to see difficult cases on wards and manage complex situations in the emergency department. Suddenly I realised that all the questions coming from the young couple had nothing to do with complex cardiac arrhythmias, adenosine doses, chest tubes or acid-base disorders.

“I am planning to breastfeed” –She said- “but I would like to work soon, so I am planning to collect breast milk and freeze it … for how long can I keep the milk in the freezer?”

“Also I am planning to use bottles. Should I use a steriliser? And for how long should I use it? Two, three months?”

Difficult times indeed, but I was happy because soon I learnt the basics of the evidence-based medicine process. I tried to search for the best research on those topics. For my surprise it was not a widely researched area. Many holes and grey areas, and most of the recommendations were only that: recommendations, no evidence whatsoever! My residency training did not prepare me to face those questions.

Years ago I was at one party when one of the guesses (and a mother too) heard I was a paediatrician; she approached to me and asked me if I was a parent. I was surprised by her question and I said “no”; then she alleged she would not go to a paediatrician who was not a parent, as he or she would not understand the pain and stress from a parent, and most certainly could not answer all those questions like those above described, without experience.

"Well" -I said- "then, men are worse gynaecologists than women because we don t have a uterus?"

I was angry and preoccupied. The next day I went to the supermarket and tried to learn the prices of the pacifiers, I tried to memorise the brand names for strollers and car seats; even at the restaurants I sat next to the group of mothers talking about their issues and common concerns about their babies, taking notes and trying to answer those questions by using my evidence-based knowledge.

I remember doing shifts with one of my fellow paediatricians who was a proud mother of two. It was a common occurrence that during the shift, mothers bringing their children to the emergency room asked one or two questions regarding the “puericulture process” of being a parent, i.e., knowing all that stuff that she knew, but I didn't because I was not an experienced father. She usually had the answers, maybe not evidence-based, but mother-based. And it worked; mothers or fathers of patients usually asked for her to see their kids, specially when questions of puericulture emerged.

But my question during that period was if being a parent made any of my peers a better physician? Did they have more knowledge than I had? Or were they taking decisions based on their translated feelings from their own children towards the children in front of them? One night I thought: “What parents liked is the rapport, the art of medicine”.

One common question parents ask us when we as doctors share a decision with them is “what would you do if this were your son?”

“I would not see my own son as a physician” –I reply- “I would lose objectivity and I would not be taking the right decision”

Many of my peers think alike; they had confessed that sometimes they could not avoid thinking about their own children when facing a difficult decision.  

I am now soon becoming a parent for the first time. My wife and I are doing all the shopping and questions that my patients usually had. I have to be honest; being a paediatrician surely has made the shopping and the questions a lot easier; and being a parent has made the handling of “puericulture” questions a lot easier too. 

I may be biased, but I think being a parent has made me more human and I think my patients like it. But this can happen without me having kids. At least I tried during my residency years and afterwards. 

What do parents prefer? Is this the art vs science dilemma that we usually talk about in medicine? As a father, personally I do not mind whether my physician is or not a father/mother, as long as he/she is a professional.

Could this be one of the reasons why people would not embrace evidence-based medicine? More care means better medicine? Patients think that IS TRUE (as noted on this study from Health Affairs).

… food for thought...